Is Your Office Haunted? Watch Out for These Common Workplace Creeps!

This Halloween, you don’t need to go trick-or-treating to find ghosts and monsters and other creeps. In fact, there’s a good chance that your office is haunted by the same scary creatures that we’re all afraid of.

The thing is, offices are some of the most haunted places in the world. They’re full of ghastly ghouls, monsters, creeps and other creatures straight out of your favourite horror movie. But these creatures are not caused by any paranormal phenomenon nor are they the product of something otherworldly or supernatural. They’re actually ordinary people just like everyone else which, overtime, has evolved into fierce, creepy and loathsome creatures that freely roam around offices and are haunting and wreaking havoc to offices.

This Halloween, as with any given day at the office, watch out for these common workplace creeps. Their presence in your workplace will indicate (more or less) whether your office is haunted or not.

 

The Poltergeist

Also known as “the intrusive co-worker” the poltergeist is the worst person you can share your table or cubicle with. This employee doesn’t know the meaning of personal space and has a really bad habit of touching your stuff. No, not “touching your stuff” in a Horrible Bosses kind of way. More like “I’ll borrow his fork and return it unwashed” or “Hmmmm… let me take a peek on the memo she’s been given” kind of way. This sneaky employee would often make a mess out of your office desk when you are not around because, well, the poltergeist is intrusive like that.

What to do: For most cases, charms and amulets will work against a poltergeist. But if the intrusion becomes too extreme, you’ll need to address this office creep directly. Be careful not to sound confrontational. Instead, start talking to the poltergeist in a calm and respectful manner starting with “If you don’t mind…” and ending it with “Thank you.”


The Office Ghost

Missing food in the pantry fridge, a mysterious bite in your sandwich or the sudden disappearance of a few things from your workstation- these are just some signs that your office is haunted by a ghost. Often referred to as “the office thief”, this ghostly co-worker is a step above the intrusive poltergeist. Not only do they touch and mess up your stuff like the poltergeist, but the office ghost has a really bad habit of taking other employees things without permission. We hear a lot of stories about office ghosts and you won’t even be aware of it until you become their victim.

What to do: There are a lot of ways to deal with an office ghost. While others choose to catch it on their own, the safest way would be to consult a medium (a.k.a. the HR) to investigate the case.

 

The Vampire

Vampiric employees and managers lurk in the not-so-dark halls and corridors of every office building, searching for their next victim. They prey on innocent and well-meaning employees who are still filled with excitement and enthusiasm with their work. Workplace vampires, for whatever reason, seem to be focused in drawing every single drop of positive emotion and energy you have- be it happiness, optimism or excitement. In that aspect, they’re more like dementors than actual blood-sucking vampires. Vampire, dementors, call them what you want to call them, you should never wait until they completely drain the joy and happiness of working out of you.

What to do: Unleash your inner Buffy and slay the hell out of every office vampire that comes your way. Arm yourself not with a wooden stake but with enough courage and conviction to endure every emotionally draining situation your boss or colleague throws at you.   

 

The Workplace Witch

Brewing a bunch of office gossip and lies is the very dangerous and unpleasant workplace witch. Though they seem to be harmless and well-meaning in person, workplace witches can curse you once you earn their displeasure. You’ll often hear workplace witches whispering, chanting and casting their curses in pantries and in restrooms which serve as their coven. Their curses come in the form of nasty office rumours, damaging lies as well as back-stabbing and passive-aggressive behaviour.

What to do: Never confront a witch on your own because it rarely works. In fact, in most cases, the curses will keep on coming and spreading. You’ll actually need the help of an expert witch hunter (yes, the HR) to find and confront a witch. Also, surround yourself with a lot of good people- people you know and trust- as they can always help you go against the curses of even the most powerful workplace witch.

 

The Werewolf

One minute he’s a pleasant and mild-mannered colleague, the next minute, he is seething and baring his teeth, ready to lunge at you and rip your face off. Werewolves are ticking time bombs and are highly volatile. While they are generally good-natured, when the full moon comes or when something really stresses them out, they instantly transform into angry and aggressive monsters who are fully capable of inflicting physical and emotional wounds even to their closest friends and colleagues. However, after their bout of aggression, workplace werewolves seem to suffer from amnesia and are most likely to forget whatever it is they did in the lycanthropic state.

What to do: Werewolves transform during full moon, so watch out for whatever their full moon is. Their trigger can be their boss, the stress they’re suffering with work or simply any specific thing that you do or say. In case you are not able to determine their trigger, the best you can do is to arm yourself with silver bullets (a.k.a. enough tolerance and patience) to pacify the workplace werewolf.

 

The Working Dead

The most common office monster of them all, the working dead is arguably the most lethal one. Zombies are slow, unresponsive and highly unproductive which makes them a liability in the workplace. They also move in herds making their brain-numbing existence a threat to every company, organization or business. The working dead poses a threat to everyone. They are highly contagious which means anyone in the office can be infected. Also, they want to kill and eat out your still-beating heart.

What to do: Be mindful of your surrounding – should you walk into a room where someone you’re pretty sure is a zombie is hanging out with some other people and they all stop talking – beware zombie apocalypse. Since zombies really just want to chow down on you, share as little sensitive information with them as you can. Always be honest and if the zombie is building a “pack”, maybe your best option is to start building your exit ramp from this group, or even the company.

 

So, tell us how many of these creepy creatures actually live in your office? Is your office haunted?

 

 

Source: Pop Sugar (image)